Random Spottings, II

Los Angeles has a population of nearly ten million inhabitants sprawling across more than four thousand square miles. We mainly seem to drive which keeps us isolated in our pods, tucked away safely from any unwanted human interaction besides being cut off by the jerk in front of us or panhandlers at stop lights. Angelinos have perfected the art of seclusion. It is rare to see a familiar face in the grocery store aisles or to run into a friend or acquaintance by chance rather than by plan. We live in a big city and we like it like that.

Well, welcome to my world of the regular run ins in random locals with those that I never thought I would see again and others for whom I had prayed this would be the case. If you will, allow me to provide a few examples to demonstrate the randomness of my life

• Last fall after being dumped via a MySpace email by a guy I was dating for about two months because a) his work was getting really busy and he wouldn’t have time to hang out anymore and b) he really liked me and he didn’t want to have feelings like that for a girl right now, we had what turned out to be an awkward run in. On Thanksgiving weekend I decided to head over to my local museum to view an exhibit of phenomenal art. I showed up prepared to battle a bit of crowdedness and began to meander through the displays. About halfway through, I see from the corner of my eye the dude who dumped me via a MySpace email. (And yes, this is how he must be referenced. It was that lame). I was kind of shocked simply because it was so odd to be at the exact spot at the same time. My eyes followed him around the sculpture where I saw him notice me, put his head down and walk through to the next section. Because I like to do things ‘for the story’, I decided to follow him daintily through the art and we eventually made accidental eye contact. We approached each other, met half way and shared the most uncomfortable mumbled conversation coupled with a half-hearted back pat hug. We left and I later sent him a text that read “Take care of yourself” because he looked like he had been living in the basement as a vampire while consuming all the potato chips he could in a single sitting. I was looking cute, so that was a perfect post break up spotting.

• I once ran into a woman who was the mom of a boy who had a crush on me in the 3rd grade. He obviously had a crush on me because he used to tease me until I cried and kicked me in my stomach. She didn’t remember me but I told her lots of weird details about her sons and I even remembered her vanity license plate. I then had to persuade her that I was not, in fact, a stalker of some sort. We were both tickled to be taken back in time by about 20 years and she caught me up on the lives of her three sons even though I had only known one of them.

• On my way to a clown job, I stopped at a CVS in Studio City. I pulled out of the parking spot, stopped at the red light and watched in the cross walk as a man I had dated a few months before walked with his mother. He lived nowhere near Studio City (nor do I) and we actually live in neighboring hoods yet I have never ran into him at a coffee shop or a restaurant. I kind of hoped he would notice me because when we had broken up I was in the process of dumping him when he attempted to flip the script and dump me by stating, ‘No matter what, I want you to know you are a really great girl!’ What he didn’t know was that I was dumping him because I had met the most spectacular man of my life and would go on to fall head over heels in love with this new gentleman while I had slowly suffered a painfully dull 2 month relationship with him.

• At various around town activities I have seen my college Spanish teacher, a girl from college, the dude who dumped me via MySpace email AGAIN, some other guy who kept sending me emails after a first date stating that he would call me as soon as work settled down, old friends from Juior High School whom I haven’t seen in more than 15 years.

I somehow manage to make Los Angeles into a small town, and I like it...

Beautiful Madness

I realized today that I have raised myself with occasional guidance from my mentally ill parents with severe addictions- one to drugs and the other to perpetual turmoil. Two highly functional, brilliant people with a pension for pain created a family of genius, secrets, art, creativity and borderline insanity. A mother who remains a little girl herself filled with self-doubt and the inability to love without countless undecipherable rules and conditions. A father who never realized his potential and seeks self-sabotage in place of joy. A son who teeters between the refined mind of a genuine artist and a schizophrenic child dependent on whatever substance makes him feel more alive.

And I was born the old soul put in place to provide a model for stability, loyalty and sanity. Without a word I became the pillar standing strong in shifting earth, building walls to keep myself safe and to gather the strength to care for them. I would sink into myself and turn a bit numb, shutting down emotions in order to survive. I learned that love is temporary and is intertwined with codependency, chaos and a general tug of war of emotions. Stability is simply an adjective and not a reality while those around me seek my council, applaud my strength and have little to no understanding of how I was born a caretaker who cared little for herself. I have not only raised myself but my parents and my sibling. No chance for a real childhood until I broke free of their presence and learned to put myself at the forefront.