Muscle Memory

Our muscles have an incredible capability to discover, mold and grow in order to support newly learned functions. Some say it is the mind that adapts and strengthens with repetition. Others refer to this phenomenon as muscle memory where the skeletal muscle absorbs a new lesson and it becomes automatic with practice. Either way, this is what explains how my body has grasped the ability to move into a full backbend over the course of three months of twice-weekly yoga. And how when a baby embarks on the first step it is the culmination of many previous lessons- holding up their head, rolling over to crawl, balancing their weight first with support and then on their own. By the time they reach one foot in front of the other to begin to walk, they have mastered and memorized how to coordinate their muscle movements and the desires of their mind. Perhaps this process, more than the step itself, is what causes parents to squeal, clap, laugh and document the moment in baby books.

One of the strongest muscles in our body is the heart. So, can it learn and grow as any other muscle in our body? Can it be strengthened and trained? I believe so.

There was a time when the slightest perception of insult or criticism would send my stomach sinking into my toes and acid through my esophagus while tears welled up in my eyes. I had no control, or so it felt. And there was a time when regardless of how many times a person demonstrated their true character through lies, manipulation and general deceit I would wait with open arms for their half-apology-half-blame-me-for-their-actions statement. Alternately, those who provided a consistent source of friendship, joy and loyalty remained under suspicion for a crime that they may or may not have considered committing against my character at some point in the past, current or future. For years, I lived with secrets that were not that dark but could not be shared because even the closest of friends were never really let into my unbreakable shield-of-defense. Ultimately, I wrapped myself in an immensely small and excessively tight bubble of crazy-making thoughts and safeguard.

And as I have grown, traveled, experienced and learned to truly live through mistakes and adventures I look back at who I was as I move forward as a strong woman with thick-skin and the ability to finally say ‘no’ to those who demand too much. Finally, I accept the patterns I see in people and operate from these truths rather than stick around patiently waiting for them to evolve into who I hope they can be. Love and trust are my core and I can at last allow my heart to be vulnerable to those around me. I have erased the unnecessary and painful borders set up to ‘protect’ what does not need to be protected from those who really care.

Each moment of ache and anguish marked a new notch in my mind and spirit indicating growth. I became a newer version of myself as my heart exercised, became nourished, and strengthened the arteries pumping the fresh experience into every vain. My mind and heart have come to coordinate the knowledge harvested from relationships, jobs, accomplishments, failures and everything in between. Each metaphorical push up, squat, lunge, crunch and backbend of life has encouraged an added level of strength and toning to my heart muscle. And in the end, with repetition and practice, living has become an eventful, true and present action ready for the next challenge and thrill.